There's more you need to know

You do know much about me, and I give you credits for that. But there's more you still need to know about me. And with that, it doesn't require the previous knowledge you have about me to deduce that. It only requires patience, tolerance, love and commitment to be able to discover that part of me. And after you have known that aspect of me; it would enhance your vision on how you previously perceived me. I only hope that you wouldn't judge me from what you only know about me but you would also be willing to know me more and more as each day passes by.

When it comes to emotional matters

When it comes to emotional matters, I fumble at making my own decisions and therefore seek for another's counsel. But when someone is going through an emotional stress, I tend to be of good ears and able to suggest a suitable solution for them. Which seems to work out as I predicted and they are marveled by that and show great gratitude for my impact. Many friends I have helped out on numerous occasions, even going a step further to write an occasional message for them to give to their loved ones, including apologetic messages. All they need to do is describe their situation and I would relate to that to pen down something for them. It doesn't take much time to deduce the very words that their loved ones would love to hear. What amazes me is that when I fall into similar situations, I seem not to find the right words for my loved ones as well. This really baffles me.

I didn't really know myself

I usually go to study with Joan and the others. Recently, Brad was telling me something about Joan. That anytime she's learning with me in particular she sings songs like; Draw me close to you, never let me go. Wrap me in your arms. All I need is you. I need you oh I need you, every hour I need you. I love you forever. And many more. Hence, he thinks those selective gospel words she's been singing are meant for me in particular. I wonder how he was able to deduce this on his own. I mean, how can one be able to figure something such as this out. Totally absurd!. I just kept laughing through out while he was seriously making his point. But after he said that, I decide to observe that for myself and realized it was true. But how can I ask Joan if those words are actually meant for me. I tell you, it's interesting the stuffs people are able to figured out on their own.

Wonder why we are still friends

Sometimes, I try to give myself just a reason why we are still friends after all you've been doing to me. Even when you say hello, there are strings attached to it. And sometimes you don't want it to seem obvious so you decide to say hello three days earlier to the favor you need so you wouldn't look bad. I'm not trying to call you an opportunist but you sure act like one sometimes. I'm also not saying it's obligatory to say hello but it's nice to check up on friend every once in a while. It shouldn't be only when you are in the mood. Cause you have no idea what mood I'm in but I don't let that affect our chat. Such a behavior is not nice, would be happy if you decide to put a stop to it.

Wouldn't call it awkward.

We always have something on our minds about someone else's business. "You should have done it this way or you should have just taken your time". Only to realize that how we handle our own situation is even way more worse. We just like to comment on people's stuffs a lot. Seeing all the wrongs and pointing out vividly where they went wrong or what they didn't say right. But if we are to open our facebook timeline and scroll through all the past status we have posted and pictures we uploaded sometime ago, no one would tell us to click on delete. Well, it's easier noticing the silly things people do while we see nothing wrong with the things we do as of that moment. That is why is good to recollect on our past, to know the silly things we were interested in.

What did you say?

I was arguing with this friend of mine as usual. Cause all we do is argue. And I ended up saying "Annoying girl, no wonder we cannot be more than friends". Just then, she sent me this very picture on the left with this caption beneath it, "What did you say?". Believe me when I say I have never switched from hatred to love as fast as I did that very moment. It was like I had even forgotten about the argument, and strangely started asking weird questions like, so do you find me attractive?. Lol, after a minute I came back to my senses and could now think straight. I actually felt molested and used. She actually did that on purpose to sway me off my feet and she did that with just a picture. Shaking my head!. And all along I was thinking I was a hard-core. Ma guy, don\t do mouth.

The Cheek of it 2

Girl: Where you expecting me to welcome you with a smile. Besides, you are even a stranger I would like to know, you presented yourself as a stalker. Mind you, you started on a wrong foot to begin with. Now let me make it clear to you, that where stalkers belong is in the prison. But if you have been stalking me, you should have known by now that I like to run my mouth. It's obvious you haven't been doing your job well. Children of today, you just don't know anything about life. 
Boy: And she tries to justify her actions. You sure do like to run your mouth. Never mentioned wanting to be your friend or liking you or even getting to know you. So why are you making a big fuss out of everything. And what do you know about life?. Or you think the little you've been through is the definition of life. Everyone can run their mouths, the only difference is, we do it when necessary and not on any random stranger we do not know. You should know when someone is just messing around with you though. Anyways, bye. Girl: So you took your time to write this lengthy thing?. All you wanted to say was bye, and you could have done that simply without writing all of that. I really need to teach you how to play this game. But unfortunately your time is up, so you too bye. Boy: So as you also took your time to read this lengthy thing. When you could have just read bye and ignored the rest. Girl: I love to read and write. Boy: Okay then you can visit my blog. I'm also good at writing. Girl: Lol, Next time don't tell a pretty lady you are stalking her. Boy: "Pretty lady" huh. I"m always ready for you since you haven't yet met someone whose also good with words. Girl: Okay, now I know whom you are, I think it's not necessary going down that path again.

The Cheek of it

I told a lady I was stalking her and after a two days she had had enough and exploded. This is what transpired between us. True Story.
Girl: I remember those shoes in your profile picture, yet you say you are a stalker. I am not surprised you would use that word. You are someone I would never be friends with. Quite disappointing, but I understand where you're coming from.Why should I notice you when you are nothing.
Boy: I don't look scared. I can tell you all about me, but what use would it make since you wouldn't still know whom this is. And I wouldn't use words I may not mean, if I were you. Choice of words are very important.
Girl: Leave me alone. I am done with you. "Stalker". Laugh out loud. You are nothing but an...
Boy: We shall meet again, remember this day and all you said carefully. Bye.

A long way to go

Sometimes I just sit back and watch you do all you do. Not because I'm immune to the hurt it causes me, but just to reckon and to put things into perspective as to whether you actually care. And with much observation, I have noticed your words and actions mean two different things, which is, they go contrary to each other. I wouldn't say you do that just to test my reaction, cause if were so, I would have known by now. And you tell me you love me with this kind of attitude?. What is the guarantee we would even last a month if we were to date?. This isn't a matter of me taking things too personal as you claim I always do. I'm only stating the true fact of the matter at hand. All I'm saying is, if you actually serious about us dating then start taking me very seriously. And if not, continue hanging up unexpectedly when I call, ignoring me when you online, replying my messages as and when you please and saying hello when you feel like it. Get yourself together.

What could possibly be sweeter than this?

Distance they say makes the heart grow fonder. The more distant you are from me, the more my heart yearns for your presence. And you repeatedly telling me how dear I am to you and how I hold a special place in your heart. Time and time again, as days turns into weeks, weeks into months and months to years. So as my heart grown weaker of your affection. As I lay down in bed every morning, all I do is shut my eyes very tight hoping by the time I open them again, school would have resumed. Just to see you again. But instead, memories that we shared, late night calls, long endless text messages and exchange of pictures day-in and day-out creep in and that makes me even miss you the more. I try on multiple occasions to keep myself occupied to think less of you but at any slight break, it all comes rushing back. So I let it be and rest gently in the quiet and deepest depths of my thoughts of me and you.

Are you ready for one?

Sometimes we cover it all up by saying, he/she didn't show that much care that is why we bolted out. But the truth of the matter is, if they show adequate care and actually pass in all efforts to be our relationship partner. Would we actually accept them as our relationship partner?. Do we want all our friends to be aware or attest to the fact that this is my relationship partner?. Are we really ready for a commitment?. I'm sure we would fumble at answering likely questions as these. But all we want to believe is that, things didn't work out cause they didn't love us or they weren't consistent with their feelings. What about us?. Did we actually want a commitment and were we ready for a relationship?.

Brush it off

There is more to life than crying over split milk. Well, all translates to somethings not being worth wallowing, moping, or worrying your gifted head over. Besides if they cared enough, they wouldn't have ended the text message saying "k" or "yoo", or simply hang up the call without a courtesy goodbye. Even though you make it difficult for them to hang up the phone, anytime they call you. It's like there's nothing really to talk about or the conversation you are having with them is not really in their interest so they just hang up. You immediately called back on three occasions to ask why and they've given you no tangible reason. So why bother?, as their attitude screams,"don't bother yourself". Gentle brush of the pain, hurt, troubled heart, anger, disgust you have within you for someone who doesn't really care. And use the space for something profitable.
 

Conflated Emotions

They say "follow your heart" when in doubt, while others say, "trust your gut instincts". Truth be told, the heart as beautiful as it was carefully sculptured by Almighty God. Holds much power in the body that if it decides not to function, the whole body goes in disarray. This very heart, can also be the seat of lies that cannot be unfolded. So I would go ahead and trust my gut instincts. But that can also go wrong, leading to your worst nightmare. Instead of trying to figure out which body part is more trustworthy and to forgo all try and errors or assumptions. I would suggest you ask the Creator of both the heart and instincts for a sign. Which is Almighty God, our Heavenly Father. And you would never regret you did. Have a little faith.

A call from Mildred

I remember very well that I was dreaming about Avengers that night, when the vibration from my phone woke me up. I wasn't fully awake and I was thinking it was an alarm so I kept on cutting the line unknowingly. An hour later, I regained consciousness, peeped at my phone's screen and noticed it was an incoming call from Mildred all along. I cross-checked the time and it was 1:08am. What could she possibly want at this time?, I started recollecting memories of past events if any matched up to this mysterious call I was having. I got caught up in my thoughts and before I realized, I was having another 8missed calls. Just then, she called again and I answered, I heard her sobbing. I asked her, what the matter was?. Her voice kept fading off so I couldn't really hear the information she was carrying across. The only part I heard that made me sit up right away on my bed, was the part she said, she wanted to commit suicide. You have no idea how frightened and perplexed I was, all at once.

Lesson of 2016

One thing I took notice of, quite well in 2016, was how people lose interest in the things you do. I usually like to record myself sing and share  with my whatsApp friends and in certain groups I'm part of. After a couple of minutes or hours, those that have interest in what I do, would comment. And those that don't really care, just don't download at all, regardless the comments beneath it. And even if they do download, they don't comment. And those I have some chemistry with, go an extra mile to analyze my recordings. And with time, as the chemistry dies out, they stop downloading and commenting on the recordings all together. But as at that time, I would have met new friends that would show interest in what I do and they would do the analysis. Likewise with a blog I run. Some of those I started with, and were really into what I write, have lost interest, cause the chemistry we had died out, and new friends now show great interest. So I think what I have learnt, is not to be discouraged when friends lose interest in the things you do, cause new ones would replace them. Just stay focused and keep doing what you do best.

Dreams

Last Night I slept soundly, so peacefully that I did not dream of you. I did not dream of those crystal eyes of yours that pierces deep into my soul when you stare at me. Undressing every fear hidden within me. Nor about your warm cheeks screaming cuddle me! cuddle me!. Last night, I did not dream of you because I learned to let go, to let of the deepest desires I held within. That clung me to you so tight that I couldn't let go. Of the scription of memories that bonded us together and made us inseparable. Suddenly, it has all faded away, not willingly but as a result of your change of attitude. Those sweet, fresh, visible memories has blacked out. Last night, I did not dream of you, but of a trip far across the oceans looking on to the tranquil of mother nature and restoring a sense of self. Myself and Destiny. I held back my awakening in the morning, seeking your face in my dream last night. Disappointed, troubled, queered was I in my dream but I woke up with a new sense of humor. A brand new me, it appeared to be.

Nights with my pillow

The countless nights, I laying with my thoughts racing and scattered haphazardly. The only one that hears them are my cool comforting pillows. They are perfect listeners for my sometimes crazy thoughts and ideas. They're not judgmental, pretentious, dishonest and of course, do not talk back when I am talking. The only ones that knows my deepest secrets as I lay thinking through them. The perfect ones to listen to my cries, wipe them and of course be silent about it, yet present ears I need. Nights when we fight, they don't fight back, but take on my cruel punches. While I ease my stress and hurt. But we both know that no one can do me like Jesus does. So even with it's unimaginable ability of comfort, there's no other who takes the hurt, pain and clams my thoughts like JESUS does.

Happy New Year

Now New Year Resolutions are being set.
A time for reminiscing and drawing
up new prospects.
A year of intensified awareness in CHRIST and heightened self respect.
A time whereby we feel so grateful to GOD, we cannot express with words.
Such Unconditional love who can context?
It actually takes time to get appressed with this "Unconditional Love", Mama says.
A time whereby we feel glad we didn't give Christianity a rest, when hit with numerous test.
If it had not been for the LORD, where would we have been, Papa says
.