For This I Fear

Cruise: My greatest fear is; not being able to comfort her when she is down and broken. The Lord knows that I try, but nothing I do seems to work. It isn't that she shuts me out completely, because I can see the effort she makes as well; to let me in. Yet, nothing I do cheers her up. I now understand why she told me sometime ago, that, she heals on her own and she's been use to doing that since her infancy. She tries her best to be cheerful, the only problem is that; I can always tell when something is wrong. She could be laughing all day and going about her usual routines, yet one look at her face and I can see her pain right through her. And she knows this, so she prevents that every time, because she doesn't want to see me get affected. She tries to ignore me however means possible, but that draws me even closer and makes me curious to know what the problem really is. She tries to communicate but the sorrow in her heart limits her speech. Her pain aggravates anytime she tries to express exactly how she feels. She has to talk to someone anyway, to help her healing process. I feel her pain like it's mine, yet nothing I say penetrates. The pain builds an armour around her heart and mind, and the door to unlock is no where within my reach. For this I fear, that the pain would let her do things just to get back at me and one day, she might go overboard. And that may ruin things between us.