Collete's Story

Trust me, since I was first held down and raped at 5 years old, I have tried to find a meaningful reason or purpose to explain it, but there just isn’t one. Not everything is meant to be. I like to think that if they could, God’s followers would try to intervene and help me if they saw my childhood body being broken and abused, and not just write it off as something that was meant to be, and will make me stronger one day. When people say it ‘happened for a reason’ – although I know they’re trying to be hopeful and optimistic- it feels like they are absolving the perpetrator of blame or wrong doing, and denying me the right to be upset or damaged by my past. They say ‘the abuse doesn’t matter, what matters is how you grow and recover from it’, but actually these are horrendous things that need to be processed, not dismissed.
For me, pretending that everything awful thing that happened to me is just an opportunity for self-improvement and part of a perfect plan, that I can’t understand yet, is more often harmful than hopeful. I have tried to grow and strengthen through all the abuse I suffered, and I’m going to continue trying to make the most of where I am, but I’m not going to pretend being raped and beaten has improved me. It has shattered me. (You may have a similar story but I pray Romans 8:28 would keep you going.)